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2014年6月25日 星期三

​Marital Humor


  
​​
Marital Humour

 
 
They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.


Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.


Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!


Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.


Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person
has, you wish you had ordered that.


Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr : married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr : No, but the thought of long life will never come.


Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!


Wife: Darling, today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.


What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!'


What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.


When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.


A little boy went up to his father and asked :
'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'
His father replied:
'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine.'

   
 
婚姻幽默
 
 
他們說,婚姻讓男人暈了,這是真的。
只要我有妻子,我失去了平衡在銀行。


男人要3素質妻子:經濟學家在廚房,藝術家在家裡與魔鬼在床上。
但他們得到的藝術家在廚房裡,魔鬼在家裡和經濟學家在床。


問:為什麼女人比男人長壽?
答:購物永遠不會導致心臟攻擊,但付賬呢!


婚前:玫瑰是紅色的,天空是藍色的。 U R漂亮,我LUV的ü。
婚後:玫瑰是死了,我的藍色。 U R我的頭痛,有一天我會殺了ü。


結婚是很喜歡去一家餐廳與朋友。
您訂購你想要什麼,然後當你看到其他人
有,你希望你下令。


男人:有什麼辦法適用壽命長?
醫生:結婚了。
男人:它會幫助?
醫生:沒有,但壽命長的思想永遠不會到來。


為什麼夫妻他們的婚禮在牽手?
這就像兩個拳擊手握手的戰鬥開始前一種形式!


妻子:親愛的,今天是我們的結婚紀念日,我們應該怎樣做?
老公:讓我們默哀2分鐘。


什麼的黑幫老大的兒子告訴他的父親時,他沒有自己的檢查?
"爸爸,他們質疑我3個小時,但我從來沒有告訴他們任何事情!"


什麼是人誰在教堂祈禱,那些誰在賭場祈禱的區別?
在賭場的那些是嚴重的。


當我年輕時,我祈求一輛自行車,
後來我意識到,上帝辦事兒不是這個辦法,
所以我偷了一輛自行車,祈求寬恕。


一個小男孩走到他的父親,問:
"爸爸,做了所有我的智力從何而來?"
父親回答說:
"好吧,兒子,你必須從你的母親得到它,因為我還有我的。"​
 

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